I don’t care if you were born on December 1st or December 31st, if you were born in the month of December you share a birthday with Jesus and automatically you come second. That’s what people who have December birthdays experience every. friggen. year. My birthday is December 15th and ever since I was a child these are the things I’ve noticed only happen to me, and other people *lucky enough* to share a birthday with Christ…mas.
1. Holiday Parties
Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to plan your birthday party around your friends work holiday parties?! Literally. WORK PARTIES. I get it. Everyone in your office is the worst and they only let loose and pretend to have any semblance of a personality one night of the year during your work fiesta, but seriously, I have to plan my birthday weekend around those idiots? Really?
2. People at the office flat out forget your birthday
At work they would always have an ‘end of the month’ celebratory lunch to celebrate everyone who had a birthday that month. Forget about December birthdays. You were lucky if you got an honorable mention at your work holiday party, let alone your own cake.
If you have a December birthday then you know better to make any sort of grand plans without a backup plan or backup date. My 21st birthday was supposed to be the most wild night of my life spent in Hoboken, just like everyone else did for their 21st birthday. But of course, there was a blizzard and I spent my 21st birthday celebration snowed at a dive bar in my home town with 3 people. Worst. Birthday. Ever. Snow ruins everything. That wasn’t the first or last time a snow storm happened and canceled my birthday plans either. I now expect it to happen every year.
GOD fucking FORBID you ask anyone to do anything for your birthday that involves spending more than $10. Seriously. Just don’t even bother because everyone you know is too busy scrounging their pennies to buy Christmas presents for people they really love and your birthday just doesn’t compete with that.
5. Double Presents
If your birthday was in July, I wouldn’t give you one present and say “this is for your birthday and Fourth of July.” I mean, I know people don’t typically give presents for the 4th of July, but if they did, it would be really shitty if someone did that to you, right? SO WHY DO YOU DO IT?! How is it ok to give someone ONE present and say, ‘this is for your birthday and Christmas.’ Especially if it’s a small gift. If you splurge on something really special that took a lot of thought, time, and money, Ok… I get it. But if you get someone a $25 gift card to Forever21 and tell them it’s for both holidays… no. You suck. You are lazy. You are cheap. Go away.
6. Christmas wrapping paper
Is it too much to ask to have my birthday present wrapped in birthday themed wrapping paper? I know it’s close to Christmas, I know that’s what you have around the house right now, but really? Santa Clause and “Ho Ho Ho” is what you wrap my birthday present in? Ugh.
7. How do you dress on your birthday?
There is nothing worse than outwear in the winter. It is one of my least favorite things. When you want to go out and look all hot for your birthday the worst thing is throwing on a big puffy North Face jacket and thick infinity scarf you have to carry around with you all night. This is really a bad thing about winter in general, but especially on your birthday when you REALLY REALLY want to get dressed up and look cute.
These next few things are what you experience when you’re in school, which suck on their whole own level.
When I was in college, I had to PULL TEETH to get people to celebrate my birthday with me because everyone was too busy studying for or taking their finals. I’m sorry, going out for a few hours one night is going to ruin your whole college career? My bad. Which brings me to my next point…
9. Your friends are already out of town
My birthday fell smack dab in the middle of finals week every single year. Not once did they push finals back a week, so every year if anyone even wanted to go out with me for my birthday it was a select few who hadn’t already finished finals and went home for Christmas break.
10. No one decorated your locker
Was this a thing at your school growing up? At my middle school and high school we decorated everyone’s locker on their birthday. Unfortunately, if you had a mid to late December birthday that just never happened for you. Womp Womp. Even if you happened to have school the week of your birthday everyone was so caught up in the excitement of the upcoming winter break that they literally just forgot about you. It’s pretty depressing when you stop and think about it.
11. No pool parties
This is one of my least favorite things about having a December birthday. As I got older and the reality set in that I would never in my life have a pool party with all of my friends to celebrate my birthday, I began to resent my parents for having me in December. I mean, they had a pool and everything! What a waste. I put serious thought into when I wanted to get pregnant with my kids because I never wanted them to have to experience the depression of having a winter birthday.
So! If you’re one of the cursed who happen to have a December birthday, just know, it’ll always suck, but at least you’re not alone!